Serve the Damn Cake (and Other Tips for Hosting Your Child's Birthday Party.)

I can't take it anymore. 

Parents, we all know that weekends with kids are filled taking our kids to their peer's birthday parties, which means we will eat approximately 45 pieces of pizza while desperately trying to make some kind of paté out of mushy goldfish crackers and the one lone crunchy piece of broccoli with ranch on it left in the corner of a dented plastic tray. 

Then there is the added sport of making awkward conversation with strangers that only see us in sweatpants and ponytails at school drop-off or karate lessons. 

But that doesn't mean we can't make it somewhat pleasant, or at least not painful. That's where YOU, THE PARTY PLANNER PARENT, NEED TO STEP UP YOUR SOCIAL SKILLS!

I can't begin to say how many times I have walked into a house or park, loaded up with a present and a nervous child, and been totally ignored. And my kid, shy and clinging to the leg of aforementioned sweatpants (the clean ones, in honor of the party), totally left to their own devices. 

Are we just not aware? Or maybe the art of hosting a party has been a little lost between the soccer practices, full time jobs, smartphones, and Facebook?

In hopes of making the party experience slightly more pleasant, I'm sharing my tips on basic children's party etiquette for hosts:

1. When guest enter, say "Hello."
   
2. Also introduce yourself by name, ask my name, and say "Hello" to my child. (Hint: My name is not "_______'s Mom" and neither is yours.)
3. Take a second to introduce us to someone at the party. It will be obvious if we know someone and then you can leave us on our own and return to your cupcake unboxing, but if we - for some reason - don't know your third cousin and his three kids and the one glum parent in the corner playing Candy Crush, introduce us.
4. Give us some indication of what everyone is or should be doing. For example; "The kids are playing out back, why don't you grab a soda and take little Zander/Jackson/Greyson out to the bounce house?" 
5. Serve the damn cake. So we can go home. 

In my dream world, you might even have an activity or two for the kids to do like a relay race, piñata, or game. But I'm not asking for Martha Stewart here people. 

Just say Hello.

And serve the damn cake.

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